This post first appeared on Instagram. I would love if you followed along over there! Interestingly enough, I’m feeling this teacher-mom guilt paradox again today. Yesterday, my 5th graders left on an overnight field trip. I was all set to join them until I found out my 2 year old would have her OWN field trip on the same day. I was so sad to miss her first school bus ride, and once it worked out that I’d be able to attend with her… I was so sad to be missing the trip with my other kids. That teacher-mom guilt strikes again.
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Yesterday, my little one (14.5 mo) was sent home from daycare with a fever and in the two minutes I was on the phone with the school nurse, I ran the gamut of guilty thoughts as a mom and a teacher. I actually said to her, “I have ONE 45 minute class left today,” as if I was trying to will away the fever for just a little while.
“We are in the middle of a read aloud. Can’t I just keep her in my room for this one class and then leave?”
“With a room full of 5th graders? Um, no. My baby needs me. I have to go NOW.”
“I will need a sub tomorrow, but I’m not ready for that.” *Cue panic*
“Can’t Daddy stay with her tomorrow so I can be in class?” (Not this week, the busiest possible week for him.)
“It’s probably just teething. Does she really have to go home for that?”
“Yes, she does. And what kind of mom am I to not want to comfort my babe when she’s not feeling herself?”
“A day off in the middle of the week to cuddle my girl doesn’t sound so bad.”
“But so-and-so needs to take his test and my other kids need me too.”
“But I am a mom first and right now that’s taking precedence.”
All this and more. I know all working moms experience some form of this when a wrench is thrown into the best laid plans, but I think teachers feel it on a different level. Walking out on a job I love in the middle of the day is one of the most anxiety inducing things for me. But I wrote my sub plans, I posted my lessons, and the reality is that my other kids will be ok without me for one day. However, my sweet girl needs me to be the one to check her temp, to pat her back, and to hold her close today. So that’s what I’m doing.
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I felt teacher guilt for years before becoming a mom. I went to work with mild colds, I never took personal or sick days, and I worked at home a lot. I never thought the mom guilt could top it, but I was quickly proven wrong when my first daughter was just a few months old.
The greatest difference for me has been working in a school where balance and family is valued. When I explained to my students why I wouldn’t be on their trip, one of them said, “But that’s your daughter.” They get it and I’m grateful for that. The grace they’ve offered me as I figure out this teacher-mom guilt and this teacher-mom balance is greatly appreciated.
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